Recently I saw a film in which the woman proposes to the man. It was a hit scene in that movie. In movies, it happens occasionally, nowadays. We get a thrill. This is nothing but a gut reaction to the novel. It is sensational, only because what happens is usually the reverse,
But I think it should be done only like that. I mean women should propose to men.
“Can we get married?”
“Can we be friends?”
“Can we be friends, and occasionally lovers, whenever we mutually want to?”
See- it should be as clear as possible. Not vague, like the mist in wintry mornings. It will help clear the air. And it should be the norm that only women should do it- to the man. When and if they want to.
Traditionally, it has been the other way. There are probably ancient reasons for this, into which we need not go into now. We have evolved. I mean- our bodies haven’t, and our brains may lag behind, but our mores have.
Recently I saw an interview with a prominent women’s activist, a lady I admire quite a lot. She is beautiful, confident, not-yet-married, and in her late thirties. She talked about how she was friendly with a man during brief period during a conference. She gave him her number.
She described, with enormous disgust, how this progressive man called her later and tried to become ‘too friendly’. It really pained her that he thought she was available sexually, just because she was unmarried, and was a bold and independent woman. All the people, men included in the studio audience, expressed their horror.
I , in my mind, consigned him to the dustbin marked- ‘the scum of the earth’.
But later, when I thought about it, I couldn’t shake off these questions:
She did not accuse him of talking indecently. It was just ‘too friendly’. Taking liberties.
But you see- it is not yet clear to me. It is not clear whether he was married. Even if he was, just an indication that ‘I am not interested’ would be all that was warranted. This is how men approach women. There is no other way. So why did it become an indecent proposal?
Just because she was not interested.
If she was actually attracted to him, and wanted to take it forward, it would not have been indecent.
This is the reason why it should only be allowed in reverse. If she was interested, she should ask. If he is , he should keep quiet. No offences.
Men often think that if they are persistent, it may pay off. That is how stalking happens. If asking is not an option, stalking can be wiped out in one shot. So can staring, pinching, unwanted touching of any sort, winking and gestures indicating offensive interest.
It should pay to be passive. Passivity is good for men. It builds that much-needed self control.
It can pay off in other ways too. Some years ago, a prominent politician was accused of molestation by a woman. She had a video recorded by a hidden camera. But even the public rejected it.
It was only because he was in a passive role, and she was on top, convincing everyone, that she was neither drugged, nor coerced. Blackmail, threats etc can still be raised, but became rather untenable, I guess.
Whatever it is, it is time for a change.